Consequences
by IMTrinity
Summary: Sequel to Sincere Intentions- Can Severus and Remus hold on to their precarious relationship even with rampant emotions and self-doubt?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Consequences

Author's notes: This fic is a sequel to Sincere Intentions. It would probably make sense to read that one first before starting on this one. Reviews are always appreciated, but please no flames.

Warning(s): SS/RL SLASH. Language, some possible OOC. I hate spoiler warnings so I will just say this: If you are expecting a happy fic, this one is not for you.

Summary: Can Severus and Remus hold on to their precarious relationship even with rampant emotions and self-doubt?

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

* * *

The mark on his forearm burned fiercely, and he knew further rest would be futile. Severus Snape cautiously disengaged himself from his blankets, careful not to wake the man sleeping by his side. He retreated into his living area, immediately heading towards the locked and warded cabinet in the corner.

He retrieved the potent pain potion, swallowing it down with his habitual grimace, and dropped the empty vial on the nearby table. He sighed and wearily wiped his eyes in frustration.

The effect was instant and after holding his breath for nearly a minute, the painful throbbing subsided, leaving only a bearable, though annoying itching sensation. He angrily glared at the blackened snake-like tattoo permanently embedded into his forearm. Dark magic it was.

And of course there was nothing to be done. Except die, Snape thought dryly.

He called a house elf for tea and sat in silence until she returned.

"Will master be wanting anything else?" she asked expectantly and none too silently. Snape winced at her loud squeaky voice.

"No." he said steadily. She bowed and disappeared on the spot. Severus sighed and picked up the teapot from the tray.

"Severus?"

Snape started and nearly spilt the hot tea. He pushed down his annoyance and turned towards the approaching figure.

"What are you doing out of bed?"

"What are _you_?" Severus retorted, then saw the concern in the other man's eyes. "The mark...I felt..." He looked back down at his tea.

Remus Lupin sat down on the sofa next to Severus. He sighed heavily and wordlessly poured himself a cup as well. They sat in familiar silence for a few moments, merely sipping their warm tea.

"You should go back to bed, Remus. There's no point in the both of us staying awake."

Remus turned to look at Severus, and smiled. "Werewolves are nocturnal."

Severus glanced at him, unamused, but said nothing in return. It was the lack of retort that had Remus worried, though he wisely said nothing as well.

Severus glanced at the mantle clock and noted that it was at least another three hours until dawn.

"Is he angry?"

"When isn't he?" replied a tired Snape, leaning back against the cushions.

Remus stayed silent, though his mind was ripe with fury. He refrained from sighing for he knew it would anger Snape. Any display of pity was not permitted, though Remus knew Snape was perpetually paranoid.

Months and months had passed and still the resistance was no further with an answer to their Voldemort problem. Muggles were murdered frequently and the Order members were drained and out of resources. All except for one.

Severus' role as the perfect spy was a precarious one and though he was privy to a great deal of the Dark Lord's plans, lately it seemed that he was barely called upon. Clearly something was going on, judging by Snape's constant pain. Voldemort did like to toy with his followers as much as his prey.

Worst of all, Severus grew more calculating and agitated. He knew the Order depended on him for information and when unable to provide assistance, they scorned him. He could care less about what people thought, but Remus knew it irked Snape to be mistrusted amongst his peers, even if he never said it. Plus, the more days that passed without a summons, the more nervous and paranoid Snape got. He never expressed it to anyone of course. But Remus knew.

Secretly, Remus was glad he wasn't summoned. Every twinge of pain had Remus biting his tongue in worry. He himself had been in Voldemort's presence. Once was more than enough.

He placed his hand on Snape's knee. Severus allowed it, which didn't startle Remus like it should have. He had so much to say but he knew Severus wouldn't appreciate any of it.

Instead, he said, "Will you return to bed?"

Snape sighed and rubbed his tired eyes once more. "No, I think I will grade some more papers," and stood right up.

Remus returned to bed, alone.

Winter break was bleak and monotonous. True to form, Severus had all his students' papers graded and ready three days before they were to return from holiday.

He was currently sitting in Dumbledore's office waiting for the older wizard to start speaking. What he heard was not what he wanted to hear.

"Remus is worried about you."

Snape scowled and made to stand.

"Severus."

Because the man knew him like no other, Snape sighed, exasperated.

"I'm not getting into this, Albus. Not now, not ever."

"I do not mean to pry. He is merely worried. You know how he gets, Severus.

Yes, he did know. He wasn't blind. No one could have missed the sideways glances the wolf had been throwing him. Ignoring them had done no good. Now he had to listen to a lecture from Dumbledore.

"Remus is an old sap; he worries for nothing."

"I worry too, my boy."

Severus cringed at the familiar but undeserved endearment.

"For Merlin's sake, Albus! I'm on holiday- am I not allowed at least _one_ meddlesome-free day?" He did not wait for an answer, instead choosing to storm out in an annoyed huff.

Seething, he wished he could hex something. Unfortunately, all the students were away, so that put a damper on that idea.

He was angry at Remus, not for his annoying habit, but for going to Albus with it. He detested the sympathetic looks and kind words. He had bigger issues to deal with.

He knew it wouldn't take Albus long to figure out their sordid little secret. The older man hadn't said a word about it which did not really surprise Severus. However, Albus did seem awfully chipper whenever they were all in the same room together. Quite annoying.

He arrived back in his room, fully intending to berate Remus' foolishness. Instead, he stood silent as he witnessed the werewolf packing his items into his sack.

"What are you doing?" he asked, then mentally slapped his momentary stupidity.

Remus didn't look up from his packing. "What does it look like?" Severus was immediately on guard.

"Term does not begin for three more days." He hoped that didn't sound too…critical.

He saw Remus shrug. "I assumed you would want some time to yourself before classes resumed.

Severus knew when people were lying to him. And with Remus it was just too easy. He approached the other figure, hesitantly laying a hand on his shoulder.

"What is it?" he quietly asked, wanting the other man to look at him. Remus finished tying his pack before turning around. His eyes were guarded, but Snape wouldn't intrude on his thoughts. He knew Remus would never forgive him for the breech.

"I'm giving you some space, Severus. I will be at Headquarters if you need me." He picked up the pack and flung it over his shoulder.

Severus frowned, not knowing what to say. Agitation filled his being and suddenly, he wished for Remus to leave. He brusquely stepped aside and masked his face.

"Do what you want, Lupin. I don't require a nurse-maid."

He knew he had wounded Remus judging by his sudden stiff posture, yet he couldn't bring himself to take it back. He was still irritated about his earlier conversation with Dumbledore.

Remus donned his shabby, warm cloak and cap and merely nodded in Snape's direction before leaving the room.

Snape let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding, before raking a hand through his long hair.

He quietly went to his desk, pulling out a quill and parchment, and began composing next week's schedule. After hours of sitting, he glanced at the mantle clock and went to bed. He looked down at the empty bed as he undressed, wondering why he felt off. He lay awake until morning.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

* * *

The last Order meeting before term was of course, at Headquarters. Though he had been there numerous times and even habituated there for a full summer, Severus was strangely nervous upon entering the familiar domain.

Members were already gathered in the corridor and by the staircase. Nobody noticed his entrance. He tried to appear nonchalant and disinterested, but his heart raced every time he thought he saw Remus.

Two nights of tossing and turning were taking a toll on Snape. For some reason, he didn't think to take anything. He suffered restlessness and he knew what the cause was.

He was appalled with himself for realizing how much he relied on Remus. He actually _missed_ the werewolf. Of course he had no intentions of actually _telling_ Remus all that but he did wish to see him.

Dumbledore was already there, in mid-conversation with Arthur Weasley. Severus dodged out of the crowd and went to the kitchen for a drink.

He found Remus at the kitchen table. With Tonks. They appeared to be in a chipper mood, sitting there, drinking their tea, radiating happiness.

Only decades of practice helped keep Severus in check. Remus looked surprised as he saw the potions master by the door.

"Hey, Professor!" Tonks brightly smiled even as Snape inwardly cringed.

Severus acknowledged her with a slight nod. "Miss Tonks. Lupin." He nearly turned to go, but that would be cowardly. Instead he stormed to the sink and poured a glass of water. He silently drank, his back to the couple.

Tonks resumed her conversation with Lupin, apparently telling a joke of sorts. Snape dumped the rest of his water out and left the kitchen, heading for the dining hall.

The meeting began soon after, and already Snape couldn't wait for it to end. His blood was boiling and it took all his willpower to sit there in stony silence.

He was finally addressed by Dumbledore.

"Severus, it's been over two months now without a summons. Can you guess as to why?"

He had indeed answered this question numerous times for the older wizard, but for appearances sake, he indulged the rest of the Order.

"I'm afraid I can't. The last meeting I attended, the Dark Lord gave me no further instruction. He was more interested in his newly formed werewolf pack."

Indeed, Voldemort had seemed pleased with the turnout. Fenrir Greyback had recruited a small army of werewolves, all to do the Dark Lord's bidding. He knew they would cause the perfect havoc, all without sacrificing his precious Death Eaters. He had not even personally acknowledged Severus that night.

Severus was glad for it then, but now, with each passing day he grew more nervous. He knew Albus and every member of the Order was relying solely on him for information. Now, the Order was blind.

For once though, the stares were not scornful or resentful. The faces surrounding him seemed disappointed, while some appeared accepting. The Order was losing and they all knew it.

Each passing day brought news much more morose than the previous day. Plans were brought up and each one was shot down. The fools actually thought they could contend with the Dark Lord!

And worst of all, Potter, who was now seventeen, would be inducted into the Order, against Severus' wishes. He was not blind to the fact that the brat had grown up in the past year, but that fact didn't warrant an invitation. He had argued to no point.

He couldn't place his finger on why exactly he was displeased with this result. There were certainly people on his side. Molly being one. She adamantly argued against it. But it was put to a vote, and majority rules, apparently.

At the end of Potter's final term at Hogwarts, merely months away, he would become a full-fledged Order member. He quietly sighed as the meeting dwindled to a somber conclusion.

He purposely avoided all eye contact with Lupin and he would have left with the others if Albus hadn't stopped him to discuss some inane topic.

Finally disengaging himself without even masking his annoyance, he made his way to the front door.

"Leaving so soon?"

Damn the wolf. He whirled in his tracks, coming face to face with Lupin who had an expression Severus couldn't place.

"Yes, I am, Lupin. I didn't think you would have any objections to that." He turned once more to leave.

"I was hoping you could stay for a bit," he said in a curious tone.

Snape halted and without turning back, said: "I don't think mine is the company you seek."

"Severus-"

But he was out the door before Remus could say another word.

Snape returned to his comforting dungeons enraged and dying for a drink. Never mind the fact that term resumed in the morning.

He shakily poured a glass of the first thing he saw and downed it in one gulp. Then he smashed the glass to bits against the fireplace. He willed himself to calm down before finally succumbing to more alcohol.

Potter screwed up his first potion and Snape was more than happy to assign a detention. There was no reason for it; he knew it and Potter knew it. Strangely, Potter didn't argue with him and that incensed and confused Severus even more.

Mere days after winter break, he was already wishing for summer holidays. He had yet to talk to Remus and every time Albus mentioned Tonks' name, he fought the urge to smash the Headmaster's face in.

He was falling apart at his carefully woven seams and he was horrified by the mere thought that a lover's spat could cause all this.

He wasn't sure how he made it through his week, but by Saturday, he was standing on the steps of Grimmauld Place, not even knowing how he got there. Decision made however, he turned the knob and walked in.

He went straight to the library and sure enough, Remus was lounging in his favorite tartan chair, alone, book in hand and tea on a tray nearby. He looked up in surprise upon noticing Severus.

"I may not deserve you, but I do deserve an explanation." He was not a coward. He would not back down now.

Remus's brow furrowed in confusion and he closed his book.

"What do you mean?"

"You know perfectly well what I mean, Remus, don't play games." Snape clenched and unclenched his fists as he fought to stay in place.

A small, knowing smile appeared on the lycan's face and he folded his hands, placing each elbow on the sides of his chair.

"Ah, so it's Remus again, is it?"

Severus glared and bit his cheek against what he really wanted to say, instead choosing a different course of action.

"If you planned to end this," Snape gestured between them, "I thought you would do me the courtesy of telling me first before you ran off with that flame-haired walking disaster." He tried to keep his tone level but knew he didn't succeed.

Remus looked stunned, finally getting up off the chair.

"You _were_ jealous…"

Snape tried to appear affronted but came off as defensive instead.

The smile was back in place on Remus's face. "I knew it. It radiated off you like a furnace."

Severus wasn't going to stand there and listen to Remus's nonsense any longer and he turned to go.

"Severus, please don't go. It isn't like that."

"I am _not_ jealous, Lupin!" Snape whirled back and exclaimed. "I don't care who you fuck from now on, because I certainly won't be in the picture as you seem to have thrown me to the wayside." He hadn't meant to say that last part out loud but he was beyond caring.

"Severus, stop it," Remus replied in earnest. He approached the dark-clad figure cautiously, thankful that Severus didn't bolt right then and there.

"I am not having any sort of relationship with Tonks, nor do I wish to begin one."

Snape sneered, his mind screaming _liar_ but his heart rebelling.

"I just told you I don't _care_-"

"Yes you do, or you wouldn't have come," Remus adamantly said.

Snape glared back. "My mistake." He started to turn around, but Remus grabbed his arm in place.

"Drop it, Lupin, or you'll be sorry." The grip only tightened.

"You're an idiot, Severus." It was said plainly and without malice, but it enraged Snape nonetheless and he glared coldly at Remus.

"How dare you."

Remus tugged Snape closer, so that they were mere inches apart.

"How dare _you_? Are you so oblivious in your own little world that you failed to even acknowledge me half the time? I have done everything to keep you sane these past few months as you pine away for your precious summons! You _want_ to be called upon, to be useful. Well, you're stuck, same as we are, Severus. But you can't throw people aside like that. I put up with it because I actually care about you.

"You want an explanation? Fine. I actually wanted to see if you would come for me. Perhaps after all this time, I wanted to know if you actually cared for _me_ or if I was just a convenient diversion." Lupin's eyes gleamed furiously, and Snape was taken aback.

The potions master swallowed, not knowing what to say for once. How did they come to this? Snape's lack of response was apparently worse than a refusal. Remus let go of Snape with a disgusted huff and turned to walk away.

"You may deserve your explanation but you were right before-you _don't_ deserve me. And I don't deserve this."

And just like that, something inside of Snape died a little. Without a backwards glance, Snape departed the familiar warmth of Grimmauld Place.

When Potter arrived for detention, Snape almost forgot. He assigned him lines which earned him a strange look. He ignored it and Potter for the remainder of the detention.

"I'm finished professor."

"Leave it and get out," he retorted, without glancing up from his desk. For once the boy followed instructions.

Tonight was his night for corridor duty. However, he could care less what obscene things were occurring during the night time.

He just didn't give a damn. He taught his classes, graded tests and assigned homework like he typically did. He appeared and acted normal on the outside, but he felt numb inside.

And then one day in early spring, it just happened.

Snape was attempting to read in bed when his arm flared from shoulder to fingertips. An actual summons, not residual effects from the Dark Lord's fun activities.

He hissed in pain before searching out his long-forgotten cloak and mask. He tried to floo Albus but he apparently wasn't in. Sighing, he quietly exited the castle and to whatever awaited him.

He kissed the dark hem obediently and backed up into line, eyes guarded. It was a large gathering which was not uncommon but it also meant that Voldemort probably wouldn't be divulging anything super important this eve.

He was surprised then, when the Dark Lord called him out.

"Ssseverus… I have a favor to ask of you."

Snape silently scoffed at that. "Anything you wish, my Lord", he responded without hesitation.

Voldemort's eyes lit up as he put in his order. "I require a potion, my faithful one."

"Of course, my Lord. What is it you wish for me to brew?" He stilled as Voldemort attempted to search the confines of his mind. It never ceased to frighten him.

Apparently satisfied, Voldemort weaved his pale arm around Snape's shoulders, leading him away from the group.

"You will brew me something for our werewolf friends," he began, and Severus fought the urge to shudder.

"Wolfsbane?"

"No. Something quite the opposite. And don't forget the sssilver."

Snape started. "But that would surely kill them, my Lord," he said, genuinely confused.

"Yesss. That would be ideal. I need my new army receptive and obedient. To me. They will obey, or face the consequencesss."

Snape inaudibly swallowed. "I understand, my Lord. It will be done." He bowed and Voldemort thankfully dismissed him.

He returned to Hogwarts shaken and disturbed. He tried calling upon Albus again, finally getting through.

"Severus," he started, groggily. "I know you never sleep, but the rest of us-"

"Headmaster, forgive me but it's urgent." That instantly woke the Headmaster up, all humor and fatigue wiped clean.

They sat in stony silence, each contemplating the situation in their own way. Only the crackling of the fire could be heard in the distance.

"What use is there for a potion when he could just kill them with a flick of his wrist? Or pour pure silver down their throats…" mused Albus aloud.

"I think he wants them to suffer more so. Silver will cause immediate death. Diluted with other adverse ingredients, it will prolong the pain and teach others a lesson. I am sure this is what He would want," Snape finished with a tired sigh.

"How long will it take to produce?"

"Not long and I think the Dark Lord knows this. I will also require some lycan blood," he said, looking away.

"I am sure Remus would indulge you, Severus. Tomorrow after your classes end, you may call upon him. Or I can invite him here."

"Actually, I thought you would be able to procure what I need, Headmaster? He would not question your motives."

Dumbledore's expression was unreadable. "Why then do you think he would question yours, Severus? I am sure Remus trusts you beyond question. Why not tell him the truth? What harm would this cause?"

Severus wouldn't look at him. He could have a staring contest with Voldemort himself and that would be easier than one glance at Albus.

Dumbledore wisely said nothing. He stood tiredly, patted Snape on the shoulder and said, "I trust you to get what you need from Remus. I shall invite him tomorrow evening."

Snape could do nothing but nod.

Cursing his students and beyond exhausted, Severus wearily whispered his password and walked inside his chamber, stopping right in his tracks.

Remus was already there, back to Severus, glancing at Snape's extensive library collection.

"Evening, Severus," he said without turning around.

Snape glared at his back, silently wishing he had never given the werewolf access to his rooms.

"You're early," Snape blurted brusquely.

"I'm busy later, I thought now would be best, the werewolf calmly explained, finally turning to face the other man.

Severus had nothing at all pleasant to say about _that_ so he merely stalked over to his warded cabinet, retrieving a golden dagger.

He walked over to Remus, and lifted the dagger for the other man to take.

Remus looked at it for a second and slowly reached for the handle, carefully avoiding all contact with Snape.

Severus stepped back after the exchange and silently waited.

Remus sighed and motioned for Severus to take the dagger back. "You do it. I've inflicted far too many wounds on myself."

Severus swallowed but took the dagger in hand. Whispering a sanitizing spell, he cautiously reached for Remus's hand, turning it palm up.

"How much do you need?" Remus asked, curious.

"Not much at all. A vial maybe."

Remus nodded, then said, "What is it for?"

Severus looked down at his hand cradling that of Remus' and found speech impossible.

"Severus?"

"Do you not trust me?" he hoarsely whispered back.

"I've always trusted you, Severus. I was merely curious."

Snape could only nod as he carefully cut a thin line in the weathered palm. He felt queasy as he bottled the offered liquid and then whispered a healing charm.

He took a few steps backwards as he watched Remus examine his hand. Coughing slightly he said, "I appreciate you coming down here for this, but I must work on something now."

He tried not to read anything into Remus's sudden change in expression as he arrived in his lab without even saying goodbye.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

* * *

"Ah, Harry, thank you so much for coming up on such short notice. I know how precious weekends are at your age," Dumbledore finished jovially.

"It's alright, professor. My weekends are pretty much non-existent right now with the piles of homework we're constantly getting," joked Harry as he stood in Dumbledore's office.

"Please, sit my boy," Dumbledore gestured to the cushy chair. Harry sat, just as Snape walked in.

Dumbledore beamed at Snape. "Professor, so glad I could steal you for a moment."

Snape glared and sat on the chair next to Harry, ignoring him completely. Dumbledore scooted behind his large desk and looked across at his two companions.

"Harry, let me begin by telling you that when term ends, you will be inducted into the Order of the Phoenix."

Harry's jaw dropped slightly and his eyes lit up. About to speak, Dumbledore stalled him with a quick hand gesture.

"I know you have questions, but first I must say my part."

Harry nodded patiently, looking entranced. Snape merely rolled his eyes.

"Though you are of age, I cannot stress enough how important you are to this whole endeavor. You have known what is at stake for quite some time now. I don't mean to make you sound like an object, but you are valuable to the Order and perhaps to the survival of the entire wizarding world."

Harry swallowed, letting it sink in, though he had heard the same speech before, at other times. This just seemed all too final.

"Therefore," continued the headmaster, "it is our responsibility-our _duty _to protect you at all costs. Hogwarts cannot confine you forever, as much as it pains me to admit." He sighed, and removed his spectacles, placing them on the table.

"I have asked Severus to personally watch over you, should you ever need him."

"What?" blurted Harry. He cast a horrified sideways glance at the silent potions master.

"Harry, lest I remind you, you are of age and should put past… differences, behind you. You will be working for the same cause now, the same goal. You must accept that with maturity and graciousness."

"And Snape agreed to this?" Harry asked incredulous.

Snape indeed had agreed to watch over the Chosen One-after Albus pleaded non-stop for weeks. Somehow, he had always known that he would be cursed to look over James Potter's only son.

"Professor Snape's time is valuable, and he has consented to do this for me."

"Why can't Remus do it? I'm not saying I'm not _grateful _or anything, but surely Remus is a far better fit for me."

Snape glared hard at the teen sitting next to him, like he had any right to be there.

"Harry, we did not make this decision lightly. I did discuss it with Remus, and he agreed that Severus was the best choice for this task."

That surprised Snape though he didn't show it. He felt very stifled suddenly and wanted nothing more than to leave.

Harry looked slightly dejected but nodded nonetheless.

"Fine, sir. Can I go now?"

Dumbledore stared a moment before slowly nodding in resolve. After he left, Snape turned his full attention to the headmaster.

"Why would Remus declare such a thing? He'd never turn Potter away," he said resolutely.

"Remus is no fool, Severus. He knows he cannot contend with Voldemort purely based on skill. Plus with his condition…" he trailed off, as if that were enough.

Snape contemplated this silently.

"I assume you will be moving back to Headquarters after term ends?" Dumbledore asked.

Snape frowned, then smoothed his features to indifference.

"Why would you assume that, Albus?"

Dumbledore stared at his potions master silently a moment before replying.

"I merely thought you would enjoy each other's company," he said cryptically.

Snape got to his feet and glared down at Dumbledore.

"Well you thought wrong, Albus."

* * *

Snape sat by the fire, contemplating his bleak existence. His elbow rested on the arm of the leather chair while he subconsciously grazed his ink-stained fingers across his bottom lip. Deep in thought, he barely heard the soft knock on his door.

He certainly didn't want to deal with Dumbledore at the moment, he miserably thought as he answered the door. But it wasn't the Headmaster that stood at the threshold.

Severus's mouth went dry as he saw Remus standing there, looking very uncertain.

"Evening, Severus. Sorry to disturb you, but may I come in?"

He should have slammed the door in his face, but instead Severus stepped back, allowing entrance. He closed the door slowly, silently pausing before turning towards the waiting werewolf.

Remus had both hands in his pocket and his stance was uncertain and hesitant. Snape noticed all of this warily.

"I do not have all night, Lupin," Snape declared after an uncomfortable moment of silence.

Remus nodded apologetically. "I just came to say goodbye," he whispered uncertainly.

Snape's heartbeat increased dramatically and he couldn't stop the frown from forming.

"Where are you going?" he managed.

"Dumbledore asked me to return to Greyback. To his pack. We badly need information-"

"So he sends _you_? Severus Snape is rendered useless for information, so let's try another route?" Snape bit out angrily.

"It's not like that, Severus. This could prove invaluable to the Order."

"Not if you are dead." Snape finished coldly.

"I can handle Greyback."

"But not the Dark Lord."

Remus took offense at that. "I'm no coward, Severus. Nor am I a fool. Dumbledore supplied me with a Portkey-"

"Remus if the Dark Lord takes one look into your mind we are both finished," Snape finished, near hysteria.

"The Portkey will be activated before I get near him, Severus. Don't worry, I'm perfectly aware how valuable you are to the cause," Remus finished bitterly.

"Don't do this, Remus. It isn't necessary."

"What do you care, Severus? When have you ever cared about anything but yourself?"

Snape wanted to tell him to go to hell, but for once he couldn't bring himself to lie, so he stayed silent. Remus shook his head and made to leave.

Snape grabbed his arm, not even knowing why he did it. Remus too seemed surprised.

"I'm asking you not to go."

"Don't start, Severus. You don't get to control me like you do your students."

Severus tightened his grip. "You left me, remember?" he said was a cold glare.

"And you just couldn't bear it, could you? Tell me Severus-why does it feel like I just wasted a year of my life?"

Severus knew he had never heard Remus this cruel or bitter before. Not even when Black died. He knew he deserved it but it hurt nonetheless.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Snape could only reply, releasing his hold of the werewolf's arm. His cold demeanor was back in force. He hated feeling like this; not even the Dark Lord could jar his emotions so.

"Do give my regards to Greyback." And with that, Snape withdrew to his lab, leaving Remus at the door.

* * *

Remus could barely breathe as he finally left Hogwarts. He tried not to read too much into Severus' words, but they haunted him regardless.

He knew Severus was stubborn and scornful, and he kept telling himself this was the right course of action. He had more important matters to attend to, but deep down he knew his heart wasn't in it.

He apparated to the seediest bar he'd ever been to, which just happened to be a hot spot for werewolves. He had been there before, gathering whatever information he could find.

He knew this was the best place to start tracking down Greyback. The most notorious werewolf surely had followers all about, and that was what Remus had to find out. He really wished he had a clarifying potion on hand, for he had no clue how he would be able to concentrate on the task at hand.

He sighed heavily as he entered the bar and prayed for a quick visit.

* * *

Chapter 4 coming soon!


	4. Chapter 4

Reviews are greatly appreciated!

* * *

Chapter 4

* * *

An entire week passed without a single word from Remus. To anyone. Not even Dumbledore knew if anything was amiss.

Severus barely slept and had to be reminded to eat at least twice by McGonagall. He didn't even insult her back which concerned her greatly.

Finally, after eight days, Severus came knocking on Dumbledore's door.

"Why has he not contacted anyone?"

Dumbledore sighed. "Severus, I know no more than you. Until we hear from him, we are to assume nothing."

"How could you let him go?" Severus suddenly accused.

"Severus, Remus is a grown man and perfectly able to handle himself. I did not force him, if that is what you are implying."

Severus looked down. "No, of course not, Headmaster."

He returned to his dungeons more agitated than he already was.

* * *

Dumbledore called an Order meeting at Headquarters the following week to discuss new strategies.

Severus had no desire to go, but he sat in stony silence, zoning out Dumbledore's speech. The Wolfsbane that he had just brewed was burning a hole in his pocket.

He didn't even know why he bothered. He had no indication whatsoever that Remus would be around to take it. Yet, faithfully, he brewed the potion that he could have done blindfolded, and brought it with him.

After the pointless meeting ended, many of the Order members immediately disbursed, leaving just Dumbledore, Molly, Arthur and Severus.

Snape sat in the chair unblinking. He thought he heard Molly whisper to Dumbledore if he was alright. The Headmaster had only nodded with a concerned glance in Snape's direction.

He suddenly felt very alone as he realized everyone had finally left. He checked the clock on the wall and swallowed painfully.

Bracing both hands on either side of his chair, he grudgingly stood up and gracelessly left the dining hall towards the exit.

Standing in the entryway, clearly just arriving, was Remus. Snape shuddered to a halt as if seeing an apparition for the first time. To Severus, the figure appeared very real.

"Severus?"

Baffled into silence, Snape could only stare as he watched Remus approach, stopping a foot away.

"What are you doing here?" the werewolf curiously asked.

"I thought for sure you were dead," Snape responded off topic.

Remus frowned and took in Snape's uncharacteristically concerned tone. Instinctively, he reached out and touched Snape's arm.

Wide-eyed, the only thing Severus could do was grab the rest of Remus and pull him forward, pressing his lips against Remus'.

The werewolf was more than willing. He brought his arms around Snape's back and clawed his fingers through layers of clothing.

Moments later, both of their apparel was scattered all around them as they lay panting, Snape practically drooping across Remus' tired body.

Their hoarse breathing was the only sound to fill the house and when Remus finally was able to feel the weight above him, he gently pried Snape off him.

Another minute passed before Remus found the courage to speak.

"So I guess you missed me, huh?" he asked in light jest.

"Don't mock me, Remus," Severus replied in a dead tone.

Remus leaned up on one elbow, looking down at Severus with barely restrained concern.

"It's ok, Severus," he softy said. "I missed you too."

Snape turned his head away. With his free hand, Remus grazed his fingers across Snape's chest, not knowing what to say. He remembered Snape's earlier concern.

"I'm sorry I never contacted the Order. Truly, there was hardly an opportunity. I was never in any danger…" he trailed off, his heart pounding loudly against his rib cage.

Something was off with Severus, thought Remus. He was truly rattled.

"I'm sorry if you were concerned," he began carefully. "I didn't even think-." He didn't know how to finish that without offending Severus.

"Severus… I'm fine." Lame, but it was all he could manage in his perplexed state.

"Do you even know what tonight is?" Severus finally asked, still not looking at Remus.

Of course Remus knew, but he obliged the other man. "Yes, that is why I came back. I couldn't chance transforming out there. Who knows what would have happened. At least I can ward myself in here without anything…terrible happening.

Severus languidly reached out, locating his discarded waistcoat. He managed to plunder the pockets while laying, and pulled out the tiny vial he so carefully kept. He showed it to Remus, who looked dumbfounded.

"You made it?" he asked with a mixture of relief and surprise.

"Of course I did. When haven't I?" Snape replied quietly.

That was true, thought Remus. Even when he and Severus were apart, his Wolfsbane arrived promptly each month by owl. A lump formed in his throat, hard and uncomfortable.

"Thank you," he managed as he carefully took the vial from Snape's fingers. The other man merely nodded as he finally sat up, gathering up his clothing.

Remus sighed and followed suit, only donning his trousers. There was no point in anything else as his transformation was a few hours away.

Somehow they ended up in the library, drinks in hand, sitting in complete silence. Guilt was gnawing at Remus as he contemplated the other man staring off into space. He noted Snape's drink was untouched as he subconsciously kneaded the fragile glass with his fingers.

This issue between them needed to be resolved for Remus knew he wasn't the only one feeling the effects. He just didn't know what to say to the other man to make it right. The guilt sprang up again.

"Severus?"

Onyx eyes flickered over to Remus, then down again.

"Mm?"

Remus sighed, feeling miserable suddenly. "I'm so sorry about what I said to you before." Snape was still but refused to make eye contact.

"I can't believe I said you don't deserve me," he blurted morosely. "That was unforgivable, and you have every right to despise me. I don't know why I said it," he declared, swiping his shaking hand through his hair.

Severus looked down at his glass. "You were right about that, Remus. I've always known it. I'm only surprised it took you so long to get it off your chest."

Remus was disgustingly dismayed. He walked over to Severus and kneeled in front of his chair.

"Damn it, Severus, it isn't true. How could you think I could stay with someone so long if I didn't-"he stopped, frustrated.

"I was an idiot, Severus," he began again. "And yet you still made me my potion. If anyone is undeserving-"

"Enough, Remus. You don't owe me anything. I do it for the Order, and because Dumbledore wants me to."

Remus barely refrained from glaring. "Don't shut me out, Severus."

"I hate what you've done to me."

Remus blinked, completely baffled. He leaned backwards, knees protesting.

"What are you talking about? I've done nothing but contend with you! I've defended you, helped you in any way that I could-I would have stood in front of Voldemort for you!"

"You've made me weak! Don't you see that I've done all that by myself for years! I've come to rely on you and-"

"And that makes you weak? Severus, there is no shame in feeling something other than bitterness and hatred."

"Don't you get it, Remus? I can't do my part to the best of my abilities when I know you are putting yourself in harm's way. And for a lost cause at that."

Remus could have flown at that moment. He was wrong about Severus, had been for some time. The man _did_ care, despite his actions.

"How do you think I feel whenever your mark starts to burn?" Remus replied back.

Severus sighed. "That's different."

"No, it's not."

Severus regarded Remus stoically before allowing a nod in defeat.

"Please stay with me tonight," Remus asked, finally getting to his feet. He stared down at the potions master and couldn't tell what the man was thinking.

Remus reached out his hand in question. After a pause, Severus took it.

* * *

Severus lay awake listening to the pounding rain. It had started after midnight and hadn't let up since. It felt calming.

He looked across the room to the furry creature softly snoring in front of the fireplace, and felt his heart seize up. He was ill-equipped to deal with this situation.

All his life he was shunned and disregarded as nothing. He didn't come from a loving family and his life at school was barely tolerable. He built himself a stone wall around his heart and now it was slowly crumbling to bits.

Severus knew Dumbledore cared for him. Probably better than anyone ever had. But this felt different. It felt…deeper. He didn't even want to think about what that meant. He didn't know how to react. And he certainly didn't know what to do about it.

It was easier for Remus. Everyone loved him and admired him and he regarded just about everyone with kindness and appreciation.

It still surprised him that he wanted anything to do with Severus. It was perplexing and completely outrageous. Or maybe that's just what Severus wanted to believe. It would make things easier.

But he couldn't shut Remus out anymore than he could stop the Dark Lord from calling on him. He could end the relationship, but he would never truly be rid of the effects.

He tossed on his side, feeling strange and nervous. Sleep was futile, he knew. He quietly got out of bed and managed to leave the bedroom without waking the sleeping wolf.

He crept downstairs to the library and contacted Dumbledore through the floo.

"Severus, what are you doing at Headquarters?" Dumbledore asked, clearly confused.

"Albus, Remus has returned," he stated in an even tone.

Confusion and relief were evident in the Headmaster's voice. "Thank Merlin. He has transformed then?"

"Yes, he is sleeping. I took the liberty of brewing the Wolfsbane, just in case he did show up."

"I am sure he appreciated your foresight, Severus."

"It was nothing," Severus adamantly declared.

Albus practically beamed at him. "I can wake Minerva if you'd like me to come through?"

"That won't be necessary, Albus. I was merely calling to inform you of his return. I will see you in the morning."

"Of course, Severus. Goodnight."

He shut the floo without responding. Suddenly tired, he made his way to the nearest chair and promptly fell asleep.

* * *

Soft fingers trailed his forehead, carefully nudging aside the strands of stray hair. On the edge of sleep, he forced his eyes open. Though bleary, he easily made out Remus' familiar shape as the other man sat kneeling in front of him.

He sighed in rare contentment and allowed the respite, if only for a moment.

"How are you feeling?" he asked when his voice wasn't so dry.

"Perfect."

Snape cocked his head and contemplated Remus' expression.

When nothing was forthcoming, Remus asked if he wanted some coffee.

"Yes, thank you." Remus braced himself on Snape's knees to stand-whether on purpose or not-and Severus couldn't help but notice the mischievous smirk. He mentally rolled his eyes and managed to get himself off the chair without any assistance.

They sat in the kitchen in comfortable silence, slowly sipping their warm coffee. Severus knew he should be getting back to Hogwarts, weekend or not. Some of his students may come looking for their potions master.

He continued to sit however, trying to prolong whatever was happening. Hogwarts seemed like such a reality compared to where he was now. He wanted to relish whatever it was.

"You've been experimenting with the Wolfsbane again." Remus began with a light, knowing smile.

"Whenever I have the time," replied Severus.

"May I tell you something?" Remus asked cautiously.

"Is something the matter?" Severus automatically asked, knowing exactly what Remus was about to say.

Remus leaned forward in his chair, elbows on the table. He sighed.

"Is it the Wolfsbane? If it is, you have to tell me so I can remedy it," Severus replied evenly.

"Yes… it does have to do with my potion. I just noticed that this month felt…different." He averted his eyes, not wanting to offend Snape.

"Worse?"

Remus could only nod.

Severus sighed. "I can't help you if you don't tell me." He paused, then, "I put in a bit more aconite."

Remus looked up, perplexed. "What for?"

_To build up your immune system, just in case_, thought Severus, but instead merely said, "Just a hunch I had. Thank you for telling me, I will fix it for next month."

Remus looked at Severus for longer than was really necessary, finally lifting his mug to his lips once more.

"Will you be heading back to Hogwarts now?"

Severus couldn't help the sigh from escaping.

"Unfortunately."

Remus nodded. "I'm sure Albus will want to see me soon."

"Probably."

"May I accompany you back then?"

Severus took a big gulp of coffee. "If you so desire."

Remus nodded once and they finished their coffee in silence.

* * *

Severus bent over his workbench, complete concentration etched on his face. His fingers carefully gripped the tiny dropper as he allowed two small beads of amber liquid escape the glass opening.

They dropped right into a stone dish filled very shallowly with a reddish substance. The combined liquids almost hissed in protest and in mere seconds, the blood disintegrated into nothing.

Snape swallowed hard and sat back, releasing a shaky sigh. He calmly placed the dropper on the desk and wiped the sweat off his brow. Vanishing what was left in the dish, he left his lab for the day.

* * *

He knew he would come. When the knock came, he was out of his chair before he even realized it. He opened the door, and after a quick second of indecision, grabbed the other man's wrist, and quietly led him to the bedroom.

After their breathing had slowed and all was quiet and still, they lay facing each other.

Severus's habitual mask was gone and Remus felt as if he could ask the man anything. He refrained however and decided to relish the moment instead.

He languidly grazed Snape's shoulders and wrists, toying with the long, pliant fingers and interweaving their hands. Severus allowed all this.

Words are just not enough, thought Remus as they simultaneously drifted off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

* * *

When Voldemort summoned him, Severus felt the tiniest twinge of relief. He couldn't lie to himself- he was beyond curious.

As soon as he felt the mark burn, he bolted from his bed, startling a dozing Remus in the process. He glanced at the clock as he retrieved his robe and mask and calming his breathing, turned to face Remus.

"Will you let Albus know?" he asked, because he couldn't think of anything else to say. He could read Remus like a book and right now he didn't want to say anything that would burden the werewolf any more than he already was.

Remus merely nodded and managed a 'be careful' before heading towards the floo. Severus stared at the retreating form for a second more and went to meet his master.

Thankfully, being a weekend, he was at Grimmauld Place and didn't need to walk the length of Hogwarts grounds to apparate. As soon as he was on the stoop, the pull of the summons dragged him away.

He arrived at an unknown location, and immediately began taking in his surroundings as he usually did. Dawn was not far off he realized as he took in the misty light. Sighing, he forced his body into calm and put up every mental shield he could muster. It was second nature to him by now and confident though he was, the subconscious nervousness was always there.

He walked briskly, with a purpose, and arrived in a large clearing. He saw other Death Eaters in the vicinity, all waiting anxiously. Voldemort was there, his back to Severus.

_It would be so easy_, he thought. _Just a flick of the wrist and two words_. He swallowed and erased all thoughts from his head.

"My Lord," he bowed low, head down. He felt Voldemort move towards him, saw the black shadow approaching. He dropped to his knees, hating every second, and kissed the shredded hem.

"Ssseverusss, my most talented and punctual servant."

Severus raised his head while kneeling, looking up at the hideous wizard. "Thank you, my lord."

With merely a flick of his hand, Severus knew he was allowed to stand and he did so with as much elegance and composure as he could muster.

He allowed a brief second to glance around, noticing familiar faces. Malfoy was not amongst them, though he did notice Wormtail skulking at the edge of the clearing.

"Walk with me, Severuss."

"Yes, master," he said obediently.

"Tell me something news-worthy. What is that fool Dumbledore concocting in his fortress?" he hissed.

Severus swallowed. "My lord, he is greatly troubled. He knows he cannot contend with you, even with his pathetic Order. They are all weary and disheartened."

Voldemort looked off into the distance for a beat, then asked, "And what of Potter?"

"Potter is useless, my lord." He began to say something else, but decided to play his cards. "He is to be inducted into the Order when he is finished with school." All true, but nothing critically confidential.

Voldemort cocked his head in amusement. "They are all fools."

"Indeed, my lord. I believe they are beginning to see what a futile endeavor all this is. Soon they will lose all hope and not even Potter can help them then."

Voldemort appeared to laugh, his eyes aglow. He casually placed his hand on Snape's shoulder, who fought the urge to shudder.

"And how is the old fool treating you, Severus? Does he insist on coddling you and pitying you?"

"I fear he will never learn," Severus heard himself say and even allowed a smirk to show. Voldemort must have bought it for he hissed with laughter and squeezed Snape's shoulder.

Finally turning away, Voldemort raised a finger to the air which made Snape pause.

"One more thing, Severus. You have what I asked of you, of course?"

Snape's heart stopped. What remained of his pallor quickly dissolved and he could barely think to get the words out.

The momentary pause made Voldemort turn back to the potions master, eyes glowing with warning.

"Severus?"

How could he have been so completely stupid as to forget the damned potion? There was no way he was talking his way out of this one.

"My lord, forgive me…I forgot to bring it with me." It was all he could say. He would rather save his breath for the upcoming screaming.

"You…forgot it." Voldemort's stony gaze penetrated Snape's defenses and the man lowered his head in shame.

"Look at me, Snape." Never a good sign, that.

However, he could not refuse and he found himself suddenly thrashed to the ground, pain flaring from his toes to his head. He couldn't even get the scream out.

He had been cursed before, many a time that it surely warranted permanent damage of sorts. But it was like a fresh wound each and every time. And it had been so long since the last occasion.

He thrashed on the ground, biting his tongue to stop from making a bigger fool of himself.

"Where is my _potion_?"

"Hogwarts… in… lab." That was all he could manage, but the pain stopped. He breathed in deep gulps of air, and squeezed his eyes shut as the nausea swept over him.

"Master, please! I have it, I swear. Allow me to bring it to you. I can have it here in ten minutes…" he drifted off, tired beyond belief.

Voldemort appeared to think it over. "Stand up."

Easier said than done, but Severus was stubborn as no other. He shakily got to his feet, body bent to keep from falling back down.

Voldemort approached within an inch of his face and whispered "I will be calling you back in ten minutes. If I do not have my potion by then, you will greatly regret forgetting it."

Severus needed no more warning. He apparated on the spot, landing roughly on the ground right outside the Shrieking Shack. He swiftly removed his robe, not even bothering to wonder what happened to his mask-and sent a patronus to Dumbledore's attention.

Allowing a minute to catch his breath, he apparated within feet of Hogwarts' main gate. Marching straight through, he began a brisk walk until he saw the entrance to the courtyard. Tearing across the cobblestones like a mad bat, he thankfully spotted Dumbledore up ahead, heading swiftly towards Snape's direction.

They met mid-way, both slightly out of breath. Dumbledore quickly and discreetly passed a small, leather case to Snape, who pocketed it immediately.

"Thank you, Albus."

"Go, my boy." And Severus turned on his heels and flew back the way he came.

Barely out of the safety of Hogwarts, his wrist started to burn and once more he was whisked away to face Voldemort's wrath.

He landed in a crouch, completely out of breath. It was dead silence all around him and he eerily noted that there were no other Death Eaters around any more.

Sighing to himself, he slowly stood, coming face to face with Voldemort.

There were no words exchanged as Severus retrieved the bundle from his person and handed it straight to Voldemort. Then he dropped to his knees.

"I beg your forgiveness, Master." He laid it on thick, knowing how much Voldemort loved groveling. "It won't happen again."

More silence filled the tense air, then: "Sssee that it doesn't."

He knew he was alone as the air suddenly become less oppressive. He stood up rattled, letting his eyes roam. He found his mask on the ground and picking it up, he apparated back to Hogwarts.

Fatigue was slowly setting in as he strode through the castle to Dumbledore's office. He knew the older wizard would be pacing and sure enough that is how he found him.

They sat by the fire in silence, their cups of tea untouched. Dumbledore did not fail to notice the slight shaking of Severus' hands-a sure sign of the cruciatus.

"He seemed… pleased."

"That is worrisome," reflected Dumbledore aloud.

"Indeed." Severus sighed and threaded his fingers through his matted hair. He only now realized how he must look.

"Albus, I should get back to headquarters. Remus is probably in a state by now."

"Of course, of course. I will see you tomorrow evening then?"

Severus nodded. "Will you call a meeting?"

Albus pondered it over. "I think not. We have learned nothing of importance." Severus again nodded and was off.

The residual affects of the cruciatus only grow worse before they get better and by the time he entered Grimmauld Place, he could barely stand.

He couldn't understand why the curse was affecting him so but he realized it really had been quite some time since he was subjected to it and his body had been too shocked to be prepared.

He had a potion to counter the shakes and the pain but he had forgotten to take it back at Hogwarts and he knew he didn't have anything at headquarters.

Remus met him by the door and silently led him to his favorite chair in the library.

"Would you like to lie down in bed?" he asked quietly.

"I do not think I can make it up those stairs right now," Snape honestly replied.

Remus pursed his lips and merely nodded as he eased the other man into the chair.

"I was worried."

"I can see that."

Remus frowned. "Don't start, Severus."

"I didn't say anything," Snape wearily replied. He was too tired to fight.

"Will you be alright?"

Severus could only nod as he felt his eyes shut.

When he came to, it was dark outside and Remus was dozing in a chair across from him.

Bleary-eyed, he stretched out his achy muscles and rose out of the chair. Tremors thankfully gone, he made his way over to Remus, and pausing just for a second, reached out and raked his fingers through the grey-speckled mane.

Remus sighed and shifted in his sleep. Severus repeated the gesture, this time eliciting a soft moan from the werewolf. Finally, one eye peeked open, then the other. Silent curiosity filled Remus' face and Snape took a small step back.

"Come up to bed," he whispered, extending his hand towards Remus. After a beat, Remus reached forward, taking the offered digits and heaved himself tiredly to his feet with a goofy grin on his face.

"How are you feeling?" he asked Severus with a funny sense of déjà vu.

"Never better," the other man replied. Remus smiled, strangely knowing that it was probably true.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Short, I know. The next chapter is much longer. Reviews are appreciated!

* * *

The end of the school year was bittersweet for Severus. Finally rid of Harry Potter from his classroom forever, he was mentally reminding himself that he would still have to put up with him, being a full-fledged Order member and all.

It was with an annoyed, heavy mind that he, along with most of the noted members, received Potter as one of their own, and Molly of course had to throw a party.

Severus dreaded attending, but knew he had no choice, being Potter's protector. He shuddered at the thought as he entered Grimmauld Place, discreetly carrying his travel trunk.

He managed to run up to Remus's room, unobserved, un-shrink his belongings and hurry back downstairs before anyone even noticed he was there in the first place.

He found Remus surrounded by Potter and his annoying friends. Dumbledore was chatting with McGonagall and a few others so he poured himself some wine and strived to look as bored as possible.

Nobody attempted to talk to him, which was perfectly fine, thought Severus, taking sip after sip.

Finally, Remus disengaged himself from the pack and casually walked over to Severus, grabbing a glass of wine for himself along the way.

"Good evening, Severus," he said congenially.

"Lupin."

Remus hid a smile behind his glass as he took a long swig.

"Glad to be done with classes?"

"You've no idea…"

Remus smiled again, then turned serious. Quietly, he said, "I'm really glad you agreed to be Harry's protector. He may not think so now, but one day he will be glad of it."

"Not like I had any real choice in the matter," Snape replied, throwing a glare at Dumbledore.

"Still, it eases my mind."

"I'm _so_ glad," replied Severus sarcastically.

Minerva came up to them then with a smirk on her face.

"Severus Snape…actually socializing with human beings?"

He glared at her as she giggled in that annoying way of hers and went to get another drink.

He was barely inside the kitchen when he was assaulted from behind.

Remus pounced on him, grabbing him roughly and pushing him against the nearest wall. Heat flared within Snape as Remus pressed his body flush against him, his mouth an inch from his ear.

"I can't wait until all these people leave," he whispered in a voice that nearly undid Severus right then and there. He felt Lupin's hands snake down his body, grazing over the front of his suddenly tight trousers.

"Are you _insane_? Do you want someone to walk in?" Snape replied in a harsh whisper that didn't fool Remus in the least. The werewolf took a step back, his feral eyes mentally undressing Severus.

He grabbed the fronts of Severus's jacket and pulled him forward, lips against lips. The kiss lasted all of two seconds before he pushed the other man back against the wall.

Still eyeing Snape, Remus licked his lips in an obscene way and calmly left the room, leaving Snape ragged and horny as hell.

Severus swallowed hard and stood in the empty kitchen for a minute, willing his erection away. He straightened his clothing and tried to fix his hair before returning to the party in a dour mood. He knew the next few hours would be torture…

* * *

The humid air seemed to permeate the bedroom as Remus and Severus lay in bed, moist from head to toe.

Nearly two in the morning and not a wink of sleep. That's what you get for getting involved with a werewolf, thought Severus as he lay entangled with said creature.

By the time the party ended and everyone left, they barely even made it into the bedroom before their clothing was left in many different heaps on the floor.

Snape was feeling like sleep would be possible when Remus decided to speak.

"Severus?"

"Mmm."

"I have to go away for a bit again."

The way he said 'again' made Snape mentally frown. He twisted from his comfortable position to look at Remus.

"Should I even bother to guess where?" he asked with a hint of severity.

Remus sighed in answer.

"Leave it alone, Remus," Severus said in a surprisingly gentle tone.

"It's for the Order, Severus, you know this," replied Remus with some annoyance.

"It's not necessary. You put yourself in harm's way for nothing."

"As do you."

Severus frowned and sat up. "It isn't the same. I sealed my fate long ago. You may think I have a choice, but I don't. I risk my life each and every time and I'm prepared for it. What you are doing is just senseless."

"If I can help in some way, I will," Remus finished resolutely.

Severus didn't wish to make Remus sound useless but deep down he knew the man was on a foolish undertaking-one that didn't make much sense. He really didn't know what Remus was trying to prove.

"Don't go."

Remus looked at Severus for a long moment, then said, "If I asked the same of you, would you do it, for me?"

Severus looked away, and Remus got his answer.


	7. Chapter 7 Part 1

Apologies for the late update!

* * *

Chapter 7. Part 1

* * *

Moody was in a cheery mood as he entered Dumbledore's office. Now that school was finished, Hogwarts would be used as a secondary meeting location which offered convenience to certain people.

Though Potter was currently with the Weasleys, he would soon be moving into Grimmauld Place, and Severus was not pleased. Therefore, he was currently glad for the change of venue.

He was not pleased, however, with Moody's annoying arrival.

"Did ya hear, Snape? Got a few of your friends killed last night during a raid." He sighed in fondness. "Been so long…"

Severus appeared disinterested and ignored Moody. He had been going over some tedious business with the Headmaster when Moody interrupted and now wished for nothing more but to leave. However, not wanting to seem intimidated by the great oaf, he chose to ignore him instead.

"Alastor, you have news then?" Albus asked.

"Sure do! Bagged us about fifteen Death Eaters. With a bit of coercion, we may get some goodies out of some of them. A few…died unfortunately, but the ones we got were no mere fledglings," he finished with a dark grin.

Severus rolled his eyes. "Are you aware of the number of followers the Dark Lord has, Moody?"

Moody glared with his deformed face. "No, but if you do, then that's information you haven't shared, have you?"

Albus coughed and gave a pointed look. "Gentlemen."

Moody turned his gaze back to the Headmaster. "So Lupin is taking a stab at it again, is he?" Albus had announced Remus' mission to a select few Order members since he had left three days ago.

Severus had said no more on the topic, though he was pretty sure Albus knew exactly what he thought of the whole venture. Now, hearing his lover's name made his heart twinge uncomfortably.

He barely heard what Dumbledore was saying to Moody. He turned away from the conversation, absentmindedly glancing all around the eclectic office. He noted the ancient portraits, the strange, tiny devices Dumbledore so loved scattered about, the tattered sorting hat. The uncomfortable burning.

His hand automatically sought to cover his mark, as if the pressure could stop the escalating pain. The sudden movement stilled the conversation.

"Severus?"

Snape turned and looked at Albus. "I have to go." He hurriedly flew past the two wizards and out of the castle as quickly as he could. He stopped just inside the gates and from his inner pocket retrieved two tiny items.

He had taken to shrinking his cloak and mask for reasons such as this and, pausing to un-shrink them, he hastily dressed and stepped out of the boundaries before he was whisked away.

He arrived in a familiar location, just as evening was setting in. The humidity was overwhelming as he cautiously strode towards the dilapidated barn.

He had been there before, not that long ago. He swallowed in remembrance and disgust at what was done here. He remembered the poor muggle girl, barely a child… and the curses leaving his lips, unbidden. And the werewolves salivating.

He tried to block out those memories as he entered the barn. For some reason, he felt as if the walls were closing in on him.

Head held high, he studiously walked over to Malfoy whom he noticed first upon arrival. It was hard not to recognize the long, blonde locks, even though his mask was firmly in place.

"Ah, Severus," called out Malfoy in greeting. Though Snape too had his mask on, Malfoy surely could recognize his mannerisms by now. He stood at Malfoy's side and nodded.

"Malfoy."

He could practically hear the blonde's smirk. "Long time no see."

"Indeed," was all Snape could say. He didn't want to appear put off for being excluded at past meetings. All those long weeks without a summons surely did not mean that one never happened-only that Severus hadn't been invited…

"Where is our Lord?" Snape asked when conversation proved impossible.

"He has a surprise for us," Malfoy cryptically replied with unaccustomed glee. And before Snape could further question Malfoy, Voldemort materialized in the center of the barn.

Every cloaked figure dropped to their knees in perfect unison.

"Rise, my faithful followers!"

_Clearly ecstatic about something_, thought Severus as he got to his feet. Silence reigned as Voldemort glanced around the semi circle surrounding him, comprised of Death Eaters.

He didn't appear menacing or crazed. In fact, he looked upon his followers with perfect calm.

"We have a traitor amongst us."

If Severus were a lesser man, he would have flinched right on the spot, for all to see. Instead, he mentally swore and kept his outward placidity, even as he felt his pulse speed up marginally.

No one dared to speak.

Snape could feel his palms getting clammy but he retained his exemplary composure, strengthening his perfected mental shields.

Voldemort fiddled with his wand nonchalantly as his gaze found each and every Death Eater. Then he smiled and his eyes practically glowed.

"Severus."

Snape clenched his jaw to prevent any other reaction. He could see Malfoy's nervous gesture out of the corner of his eye. Worse, he could hear people gasping and whispering. He ignored all of them as he calmly, and without hesitation, approached Voldemort.

"My Lord," he replied with a nod. He knew he was finished, but he would go down with his head held high. He was just about to prepare for the inevitable when Voldemort utterly stunned him.

"I have something for you. A gift, if you will."

Mouth drooping slightly, his mind went blank for a second before he could even manage to speak. He saw Voldemort's grin turn wider.

"I reward those who are most loyal, and you Severus… are also my most talented."

Snape didn't like where this was going and half-bowed again, just to be on the safe side.

"Thank you for the praise, Master. Please tell me what I have done to earn this great honor?"

There were others in the barn that would fall to the floor, weeping with pleasure to be addressed thus by the Dark Lord, but Voldemort knew Severus wasn't like the others. Therefore, Snape decided not to overdo the theatrics.

He calmly regarded Voldemort through his mask and waited patiently for an answer.

Voldemort looked at Snape with barely suppressed glee, and with a loud shout, called out, "Fenrir!"

Severus frowned in confusion but noticed a commotion towards the back of the barn.

Fenrir Greyback, most dreaded werewolf, and another unknown came into sight, walking towards the rest of the group. They were awkwardly dragging a struggling individual between them, his head covered with an oversized sack. No sound escaped him and Severus figured he must have been jinxed speechless.

Severus silently noted that Voldemort's eyes were fixed on him the entire time and a moment later, he found out why.

Fenrir and the second man came to a stop close to Voldemort and violently whipped off the bag covering the cloaked person.

Snape felt his heart stop and his stomach drop to his feet. He could no more control his shock than he could prevent what was about to happen.

He stood speechless as he stared into the bloodied, though familiar face of Remus.


	8. Chapter 7 Part 2

Chapter 7. Part 2

* * *

Severus removed his mask and turned to face Voldemort. He tried to play his part but wasn't entirely certain this time if his facade looked genuine.

"My lord, I do not understand." He mentally thanked himself for the steadiness in his voice.

Voldemort smiled, though it was anything but pleasant.

"Do you recognize this man?" he asked of Snape.

Severus swallowed and glanced quickly at his injured lover before turning back.

"Of course. He is Dumbledore's werewolf." He tried to make it sound as disdainful as possible.

"He was sent to spy on us, by Dumbledore. Were you aware of this?" Voldemort asked.

_I've told worse lies_, he told himself. "No, my Lord, I was unaware. I have never seen him at any of the Order meetings."

Voldemort turned his attention to the glaring werewolf. Lifting his wand-Snape nearly flinched- he silently cast 'finite' and immediately Remus growled in fury.

Severus stood rooted to the spot, his mind going a million miles per second. He tried to look as confused as possible while addressing the Dark Lord.

"Master, Dumbledore will be most angry…" he trailed off, unwilling to finish the sentence.

Voldemort merely grinned wider. "Yesss. He will. That is why we will strike a blow to his pathetic Order. We will show him how we deal with traitors."

Severus grew cold even as he looked upon Remus with an indifference he himself could not believe. Remus wasn't looking at him however, but at Voldemort.

"Do what you want with me, you vile creature! You will never defeat what we have!" He was struggling with all his might, but suddenly convulsed in pain, and nearly collapsed to the dewy earth if not for the brute strength of the other two keeping him vertical.

He coughed and blood gushed out of his mouth. The other two werewolves were still trying to keep a hold of him, but Voldemort stepped forward with a sinister smirk and waved his hand, alerting them to ease off.

"This one isn't going anywhere," he hissed in pleasure.

Something was wrong here. _Beyond_ their current situation.

Severus noted with a clenched jaw that blood was freely flowing from Remus' nose and his skin was turning a sickly gray right before his disbelieving eyes.

Then he noticed Voldemort staring at him. He swallowed and met his gaze.

"Do you recognize your work, Severuss? Look how he suffers."

_No… No. No._

"You… gave him the potion?" was all Severus could ask, his heart thundering madly in his chest.

Voldemort smiled in delight and Remus growled, finally looking at Severus.

"You heartless bastard!" he spat, blood going everywhere. "Dumbledore trusted you! We all trusted you…" he started to cough, convulsing on the spot.

Severus swallowed and blinked at Remus in boredom.

He knew what Remus was doing. He was covering for him. Still playing the part, always the part.

Severus ignored Remus' outburst and calmly turned towards Voldemort.

"My Lord, Dumbledore will know I was here. How will I explain-"

"Surely this werewolf is not _that_ important to him. It will be easy for you to think of an excuse." He said resolutely.

Severus appeared to think it over, all the while breaking apart inside.

"He will not be pleased. Could we not use another to test out the potion?" _Too late, too late…_

Fenrir growled suddenly.

"I remember this one. Not at first, but it came to me…" he grabbed Remus' throat and sniffed the bruised face in an almost erotic fashion. He leered back at Voldemort, his eyes practically glowing.

"Yes, this one was young when I turned him…"

Severus wanted nothing more than to eviscerate the beast right then and there.

"Severussss, is he not the one who nearly turned you into one of them?" Voldemort silkily asked, knowing full well the answer.

"Yes, my Lord," replied Snape with a sneer. "He is nothing to me." The words tasted like bile in his mouth.

He glared at Remus even as the man struggled to breathe. Severus knew what was happening. He positively knew that the aconite, much too potent, was slowly disintegrating Remus' blood. He didn't know how he was still standing. He knew it wouldn't be long…

Voldemort stood next to Severus suddenly and placed a hand on his shoulder. He whispered in his ear. "Show this creature what we do with traitors."

His mind was screaming at him even as his body responded. He slowly approached Remus as he struggled to remain standing. His hair was dripping with sweat and blood as he supported himself, half hunched over. He craned his neck as best he could and glared up at the man above him.

His body was defiant, but his eyes spoke volumes to Severus. A one-way conversation began, and Severus was unable to stop himself from delving into his lover's mind.

_Don't you dare let them catch you. Protect Harry, Severus...never stop fighting. Don't blow your cover…Severus…_

Severus swallowed, his skin crawling, and the connection was temporarily severed as Greyback kicked Remus straight to the gut. Snape flinched though it was unperceived by the mass of Death Eaters who were clearly having too much fun.

"Enough", spoke the Dark Lord.

The two lycans, barely supporting Remus suddenly jumped back, dropping the injured man to his knees even as blood gushed freely from his mouth. Ragged, and barely able to breath, Remus lifted his bruised head and defiantly looked into the eyes of the devil.

"You will never win." Then he turned glazed eyes to Severus, already so unfocused, but still able to find the connection.

_I love you. Do it._

Severus stopped breathing and clenched his jaw to the point of pain. He could feel the Dark Lord's eyes on him, feel the stares of the Death Eaters surrounding him.

"Kill him, Severus," the Dark Lord hissed.

"Do it, you bastard." Remus's slurred words found their mark.

Severus raised his wand, surprisingly steady. The watery eyes staring back at him didn't even flinch as he formed the words.

_Do it._

He blinked, as if in slow motion. It lasted a second but felt like eternity.

_Do it!_

And Severus did.

Silence reigned before a cackling laugh filled the air. Severus slowly, methodically, placed his mask back on, and put his wand away. He cautiously stepped back towards the group of Death Eaters, his eyes on the ground.

Voldemort continued his pleased tirade before relieving all his followers. All but one.

"Take him back to Dumbledore and make sure to etch his reaction into your mind. I want to admire it for next time."

Severus nodded and bowed low. Words would not come, though Voldemort didn't seem to notice as he vanished into thin air.

An eerie calm surrounded the lone Death Eater before a menacing growl was emitted.

Snape sharply glanced up to see Greyback on all fours, standing over the fallen body. Panic seized Severus as he charged towards the salivating werewolf.

Grabbing him by the shoulders, he roughly pulled him off of Remus' prone body, roaring at the lycan.

"You fool! Do you have any idea what poison is in his blood?" he said with a slightly hysterical tone that thankfully went unnoticed.

Greyback snarled in response. "You are lucky He favors you so, or you'd be my next meal," he warned as he and his friend walked out of the barn.

Severus bit the inside of his lip and stood rooted to the spot before exhaling. Unable to control his shaking hands, he removed his mask and absentmindedly dropped it to the earth. He willed his body into movement.

He could have used a levitation charm but he knelt down and with blurred vision, was able to pick up the prone body. Outwardly wincing, he straightened up and clumsily strode out of the barn, placing one foot in front of the other, all the while not really seeing where he was going. He refused to look at his bundle.

The moon was half full as he made his way outdoors. He looked up at the sky and breathed in the humid air. Grasping his burden as tightly as he could, he was able to use every ounce of energy remaining to apparate the both of them away.

He landed ungracefully at the front gates of Hogwarts, stumbling to the ground with a moan of pain. As soon as he accidentally glanced at the figure lying in front of him, he lurched to the side and threw up.

Not until his stomach protested and acid was all he tasted did he finally stop. He tried to breathe but it was useless. He lay on his back and tried to will his body calm.

His labored breathing echoed in the dark, and his head was pounding. He put both hands to his chest, trying in vain to ease his ragged breathing. He was sure he felt no heartbeat.

With a low groan, he rolled over onto his stomach and dug his fingers into the dirt as hard as he could. Knowing it was impractical to remain in such a position, he forced himself to stand using whatever strength remained.

Not bothering to wipe the cold dirt off his face, he once more picked Remus up and the gates parted for him.

He thanked whatever god existed that school was over. Before he even made it to the front courtyard, he saw Dumbledore. Knowing he must have set the wards off, the Headmaster clearly went to meet him, but judging by the look in the older man's eyes, he certainly didn't expect this.

Albus approached with his mouth slightly agape and looked upon the still figure in Snape's arms. Grief-filled eyes met those of Severus and for the second time that night, a silent exchange happened. Snape broke away before long, unable to bear it.

"My dear boy…"

Snape didn't know who he was referring to and he didn't particularly care. He ignored Albus and forged ahead until he got inside the castle. Then he continued through the halls until he found himself in the hospital wing with a shocked Madam Pomfrey.

Her eyes welled up when she saw Remus and even for a professional, she looked almost lost and uncertain as to what to do.

Severus too ignored her, and placed Remus gingerly upon the closest cot he could see.

"Are you injured, Severus?" Pomfrey quietly asked.

Severus stared down at the still form, unblinking. Already, the body looked worse than it did just moments ago. The poison continued to progress even in death. In an hour, what used to be Remus would be unrecognizable as a human being.

He pursed his lips and without thinking, bent over to push the fringe out of Remus' eyes. His hand remained for a second before suddenly jerking away. In a blur, he was storming out of the hospital wing.

He had no destination; he just walked, unthinking. He could hear Dumbledore behind him.

"Severus, stop, please."

Something snapped inside of Snape. He whirled on the spot and glared at Dumbledore with a look that made the Headmaster pause.

"How _dare_ you ask anything of me? Do you have any idea what I just had to endure? What I just had to _do_?"

"Severus, I am so sorry for what transpired tonight and I know words will never be enough, but you are not in a right state at the moment. Come to my office and we can discuss-"

"No. There is nothing to discuss, Albus. You have seen everything you need to and there is nothing more to say." He tried to remain calm even as his chest caved in and his breathing turned ragged once more.

"This wasn't your fault, Severus," Albus quietly said.

Snape erupted then, all his anger now focused on the Headmaster.

"How could you let him go? You knew what the risks were and you allowed him to go anyway! Did you send him- did you _ask_ him to go? You knew he'd never deny you! How could you do it?" he finished with a broken voice.

He did not wait for an answer but spun back around and resumed walking.

"Severus!"

"Do you have _any_ idea what it was like for me, Albus? To stand in front of Remus, knowing I was about to murder him-all to keep my damned cover! He knew it the moment he looked at me, he practically _begged _me to kill him. Do you have any idea what it was like to murder the only human being that actually cared for me? That didn't see me as a waste of life? He knew I would do it, too! He knew I would never blow my cover, not even for him! Merlin forbid Severus disappoints Albus Dumbledore!" he spat, unable to see the Headmaster's expression through his blurred vision.

He was inconsolable and Dumbledore knew it, keeping silent. A flicker in his eyes had Severus turning, only to realize Minerva was standing mere feet away.

_Perfect_, he thought in disgust.

She looked appropriately shocked, her eyes wide with grief. He flew past her down the hall and this time, no one stopped him.

In the safety and quiet of his precious dungeons, Snape allowed himself to grieve. Never before feeling this way, he broke every breakable object he came in contact with, before running to the bathroom to throw up once more.

He pierced his eyes shut as he rinsed his face with ice-cold water, not even bothering to look at his reflection in the mirror.

He silently crossed the distance to his bedroom, pausing at the bed, knowing what only recently transpired there. He swallowed hard and stalked over to his private potions stores. Ripping the doors open with a silent spell, he found a full vial of Draught of the Living Dead and downed it in one gulp. He barely made it back to the bed before he passed out.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

* * *

Harry Potter sat in stony silence as Dumbledore quietly explained to him that the last real link to his father, was dead.

He barely heard the explanation as his eyes filled with tears and had to look away. They wouldn't let him see the body and for once, he didn't ask why.

The funeral would be small and private, Dumbledore mentioned in a sad voice. Harry could only nod before standing to leave. He was going to ask something, but changed his mind last minute. There would be time enough for that, he thought.

* * *

The pain was excruciating, more so than any curse he had ever felt. He curled up into a ball, his face between the two pillows he had shared with Remus. He could still smell him…

He didn't know how long he lay there, unmoving. He fisted the sheets every now and then, when the pain got too intense. He needed to shower and he needed to eat. But neither of those things could make him leave the bed.

Finally, on the third day, Dumbledore entered and sat upon the bed.

"Severus, my boy. I know you are hurting, but I know you, of all people can overcome this. You were always the stronger one."

Snape heard the words without feeling. They meant nothing to him. He heard Albus sigh.

"The funeral is set for tonight." And he left him alone after that.

Hours later, when he could feel how late it really was, he rose from the bed. He slowly made his way to the shower, taking the time to get clean, standing under the scalding water, allowing his muscles to relax.

He dressed in his usual black and donned a clean pair of boots. Not bothering to brush his hair, he finally left his room.

His boots thudded against the stone, the only sound in the dead of the castle. It was a cool night for early summer and the grass was moist as he made his way around the back of Hogwarts. He knew where he was going before he even realized it.

The Great Whomping Willow stood out in the blackness, only the moon illuminating the massive silhouette. Snape approached with a purpose, and the old tree did not bother him.

He saw the marked stone a few feet away from the base of the tree. The area was surrounded by hundreds of red roses. He did not bring a rose, he though idly.

The headstone was simple, just as the man had lived. It merely said, 'Remus Lupin, devoted friend.' Severus hung his head as he kneeled in front of the stone, crushing the flowers beneath him. He ran his fingertips over the wording, and then he felt a presence.

He whipped his head and saw Potter standing there. His expression was unreadable, and Snape didn't care to examine him further. He turned back to the headstone, admiring the beautiful simplicity of it.

"Dumbledore told me what you did."

Snape did not turn around as Harry approached.

Strangely, there was no accusation in the tone.

"I just can't believe it." And Harry's voice broke. Snape had had enough. He stood and made to leave.

"Dumbledore said you did it to protect me. It's what Remus wanted, he said. Is it true?"

Snape paused, saying nothing. He could see Harry nod out of the corner of his eye, then: "I'm not worth this man's life."

Snape could have laughed. "Don't I know it." It was mumbled and low, but he knew the boy had heard. He went back to his dungeons without another word.

* * *

The next day, he made his way up to Dumbledore's office. He was admitted right away without a password and before he knew it he was sitting in front of the Headmaster.

He did not apologize and Dumbledore did not expect one.

"How are you feeling, Severus?" Albus began in a gentle tone.

"Fine." Knowing Albus loved to prolong his inquiries, he decided to cut to the chase.

"Headmaster, I'm assuming you wish to hold an Order meeting fairly soon regarding what occurred?"

Albus cautiously nodded, not surprised in the least by Severus' guarded tone.

"It is a necessity, I'm afraid. Your presence there will prove…useful but certainly you do not need-"

"Of course I will be attending, Headmaster. They will need a full account from a first point of view perspective."

Dumbledore disregarded the hint of sarcasm and noted the aloofness, but did not dare comment on it. He merely nodded.

"As you wish, Severus. Tomorrow at noon then?"

"Fine." He stood to go.

"Severus."

_Of course it wouldn't be that easy_.

"Yes, Headmaster?"

Dumbledore sighed, getting up from his chair. He walked around his desk to stand next to Severus, who put up a very good front. But Dumbledore knew the man better than anyone could and it pained him to see him like this.

"Severus, I know nothing I say will make you feel any less regretful." Snape stared blankly at Albus, waiting for the older wizard to continue in his pointless endeavor.

"This loss is unbearable, not only to the Order, but to everyone who knew him personally. Harry was most upset…"

Snape clenched his jaw. There was that name again…

Dumbledore looked down at his feet, and sighed. "Remus did what he did because he was trying to fight for something bigger than all of us. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, Severus. And I believe Remus knew what he was doing. He fought until his last breath, all for the greater good."

Snape cocked his head slightly and stared past Dumbledore, unblinking. "For the greater good," he mused out loud, his eyes snapping back to the Albus. "I'm so glad you believe that," he finished in a flat tone-and left.

THE END

* * *

Thank you to all who took the time to read and review this fic. I greatly appreciate the feedback. I am in the process of writing the third sequel, due out in the near future!


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